Let’s face it: dating can be stressful – especially when you don’t feel like you’re meeting the right type of people. Here’s the problem with this scenario: feeling stressed about your single life will not help your chances of finding someone special. In fact, it might hurt them.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are 7 ways you can turn dating stress into dating success:
- Take charge: waiting for someone or something to happen in your love life can be stressful and, worse yet, unsuccessful. Get off the sofa and get yourself out there.
- Failure is a step in the right direction: not every new method of meeting people that you try will work out as planned. Resist the urge to give up or become frustrated… trying and failing is a better bet than not trying at all.
- Empowerment = Confidence: taking charge of your dating life will make you feel better about yourself. When you’re feeling better about yourself, you’re more confident. When you’re more confident, you’re less stressed, and more sexy.
- Be the person you want to meet: bitching to friends and family about the sorry state of your love life will not make things any easier. Focus on the positive, let it be known that you’re ready to meet someone special, and be a positive force at every event you attend. Word will get around.
- Hire an expert: if your current methods aren’t working, hire a professional matchmaker to do the hard work for you. There’s a reason why professional dating services like Executive Search Dating are successful: they work.
- When in doubt, grow: try expanding your social and intellectual horizon… take some cooking classes, learn a new language, take some ballroom dancing or salsa classes. Besides being a great place to meet some new people, it’ll make you happier, and happiness is one of nature’s strongest aphrodisiacs.
- Change your dating mindset: when you meet someone interesting, look at your first meeting or date as a chance to get to know someone new, and less like a potentially life-altering “DATE”. Being relaxed will take the pressure off you and your date, and maximize the chances that you do connect.
What if we told you that certain dating habits will lead you to a “Dating Disaster”? Or if we were to tell you that by changing these habits you can virtually GUARANTEE dating success?
Yes, its true. And transforming YOUR dating life is a lot easier than you think. Here’s how:
- All about Me: perhaps the single worst dating habit is to focus so much on your own feelings, that you don’t consider the feelings of your date partner. Try worrying less about what your date can do for you, and more about what you can do to make the date more positive and fun for THEM. Before deciding on whether someone is right for you, you first want to see their ‘true self’, and a fun first date is a good first step in the right direction.
- Snap judgments: the idea that you can know if someone is right for you in the first few minutes of a date is a myth. Yes, you can tell early on if you have immediate physical chemistry with someone, but that doesn’t always translate into long term relationship potential. Take the time to really get to know someone, and avoid ‘switching off’ if you don’t feel an initial attraction. Who knows, even if there’s no romantic potential your date may turn into a great friendship!
- All talk no listen: having interesting things to say on a date is a great thing, but try not to do all the talking. Find topics that interest your date and engage them in the conversation too.
- Silence is not golden: on the other hand, having nothing to say on a date is a dating no-no… come prepared with a few fun topics to discuss, travel plans, or fun things you did over the summer.
- Doom & gloom: no-one wants to spend time with someone who’s always complaining or has negative views on everything. Focus on being positive on your date, and you’ll get better dating results, which may even cheer you up!
“Why are you still single?”… is perhaps the most dreaded question that singles face. Whether from family or friends, its the ultimate loaded question.
How honestly you answer this question says a lot about your prospects of finding someone special. If you find yourself giving these answers, beware:
- I’m not ready: if ever there was a self-fulfilling dating prophecy, this is it. Saying you’re not ready for a relationship will likely ensure that you won’t meet any compatible singles, which will make you even less ready. After all, its just a date.
- I’m happy being single: being positive about your single life is a good thing; planning for a life of prolonged singledom – not so much. As you get older, and as friends begin having families, you may find that being single becomes a lot less fun.
- I have very high standards: having high standards is good, making your standards so high that no-one meets them – not so much. Keep in mind that the most important qualities are not the ones on the surface, so take the time to get to know someone before you write them off.
- There are no single men/women in Vancouver: yes, this is a common complaint, but its also untrue. Be proactive, and beware of repeating this so often that it becomes true. You don’t need 100 compatible singles, just one.
- I’m not attracted to the single men/women I meet in Vancouver: immediate physical chemistry with someone is important, but its far from the most important thing. In fact, matchmakers will tell you that you must beware when you do have strong initial physical chemistry with someone as it may blind you to other more important factors.
- My Prince/Princess Charming will just appear: this, like all fairy tales, is unlikely to happen in real life. Being proactive is a much better bet.
- Dating is a drag: yes, dating (particularly online dating) can be a chore. Try focusing on ‘quality vs. quantity’ of matches – or hire a matchmaker like Executive Search Dating to do it for you – dating works best when you’re positive about it. If that seems hard, don’t look at it like dating at all, but simply a chance to meet some new people.
- I’m not ready for a family: its just a date. Thinking or talking about your views on having a family can be a sure fire chemistry killer, particularly on a first date. Remember, meeting someone special can change your attitude about many things.
- I’m not relationship potential at the moment: no-one is perfect, and everyone goes through life’s ups and downs. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment to meet someone new, look at meeting someone new as a positive and even essential part of becoming the person you want to be.
- Relationships don’t last in today’s world: as the old saying goes: ‘there are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.” Forget about the divorce rate, its just a date after all.
In dating and in life, looks matter. But does that mean that folks with naturally good looks will always have more success in life and Love?… actually, no.
The truth is that “attractiveness” comes from a variety of factors, some of which you can’t control, but many of which you can. To have success in life and in dating, focus on those factors that you CAN control and positive results will soon follow:
- Make an effort: just because you don’t look like George Clooney or Angelina Jolie, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make every effort to look your best. Dress up, put on some nice cologne or perfume, get a haircut… showing up on your date looking your best sends the message that you respect the person you’re meeting, and that’s more sexy than anything.
- Nature’s most powerful weapon: a smile, more than anything else, is nature’s way of creating attraction. Practice your smile if you must, and by all means practice good oral hygiene, but most importantly smile early and often on your date. A smile will also relax your date, make them smile, and generally increase the chances of a Love connection.
- Confidence matters: its not always easy to project confidence, particularly if you’re nervous or feeling insecure on your date. Our advice – fake it ’till you make it! A firm handshake or hug, maintaining eye contact, smiling, speaking clearly and confidently; all of these will project an air of confidence on the outside, even if you’re not feeling it on the inside.
- Speak in body language: yes your mother was right, posture matters! Avoid slouching, lean slightly forward and towards your date, and generally adopt a posture of interest and engagement. These physical cues send the message that you are interested and engaged. Your date will notice, and will likely do the same, thus creating a ‘virtuous cycle’ of good dating outcomes.
- Be yourself: there is nothing more stressful, or harmful to your dating prospects, then trying to be someone you are not. Be yourself, relax and come prepared with a few discussion topics that interest you. Being relaxed = Being confident = Attractive.