Professional matchmakers know this: one of the MOST important (and least discussed) criteria in finding a compatible relationship partner is ‘relationship readiness’; theirs and yours.
You may meet someone who has many or most of the qualities that you are looking for, but if they are not truly looking for a relationship then the chances of truly connecting with them are slim. In other words, its not you – its them.
Here are some classic signs that your date (or you) may be a “serial dater”:
- Fast love: feeling physical chemistry on a first date is an exciting part of dating; but true chemistry should last more than one night. Putting too much focus on creating intimacy on a first date (from their side or yours) can be a sign that there’s not enough focus on REALLY getting to know someone, which in fact is more important than immediate physical attraction or satisfaction alone.
- Just not into you (them): its natural for a first date to be casual and fun without getting too in depth about your date partner. But if after a second, third or more dates with someone you still find them not interested in getting to know you, or if you find yourself not interested in getting to know them; it may be a sign that the relationship potential is just not there.
- Job = Life: meeting someone who is passionate about their job can be a positive, particularly if you are a professional and looking to meet the same. However, if after a few dates, the only thing you talk about is your jobs, it may be a sign that career is more important than a relationship at this time. In such cases, ask the following question: “What do you like to do outside of work?”… if the answer is a puzzled silence, consider it a ‘red flag’.
- Prioritize what’s important: regardless of what you or someone else says they want, you tend to make time for the things that are most important for you. Everyone is busy, but if you find yourself endlessly rescheduling dates (or someone is doing that to you) it might mean that you really aren’t taking dating seriously enough. If you make a date, keep it. If you don’t want to spend your life single, then you’ll need to prioritize finding a life partner. Simple as that.
- The secret weapon: if all else fails and you still can’t tell whether someone is really serious or not after a number of dates, then simply ask them: “what are you looking for at the moment: casual dating, or something more long term?” Be prepared to answer this question yourself as well; whether you are looking for something casual or more serious, let the other person know where you are at. Honesty in dating is the secret weapon to success.
In dating and in life, preparation works. When you’re prepared, you’ll find conversation flows on your date. On the other hand, having awkward silences, or getting into an argument on a first meeting may ruin your chances of getting to a second date, even if the person you’re with is a great fit for you.
Knowing which first date conversation topics to focus on, and which to avoid, may well turn an average first date into an amazing second or third date. Here’s how:
- Common interests: talking about things that connect you is always the best best. If you both love skiing, tell some fun stories from past ski trips, or ask your date why they love it so much.
- Travel stories: most people like travel, and many would like to do more of it. Talk about a recent trip you’ve taken, or a place you’ve always wanted to go to. Bonus points if the place you’ve always wanted to go to is a place your date has already been or wants to go to!
- What’s your passion: one of the best ways to really get to know someone, and to see if you might be a match is to uncover their passions. Also, no matter how nervous someone might be, you’ll likely see more of their true self when they’re talking about something they love.
- Music & movies: most people like music or movies or both, so ask someone what they like and talk about your favorites. Be sure that you’re also telling things about yourself so the date doesn’t begin to feel like an interview.
- Be in the moment: there’s a fine line between coming prepared with some fun topics to discuss on your date, and being overly ‘scripted’. The important thing is to listen to your date and move the conversation in directions that interest them and you. If your date tells you that they’re not a movie person, asking them what their top 3 movies are sends the message that you’re not really listening to them.
- Dating horror stories: no matter how funny you think your dating horror stories may be, your date will likely take it as a sign that they may be featured in one of your future stories to your next date. Avoid this at all cost.
- Past relationships: there is no reason or benefit to talking about past relationships on a first date, nor is it a question that you should ask your date.
- How stressed and/or overly busy you are: be positive and fun on your first date and you’ll likely end up on a second date before too long, which will make your life less stressful.
- How much you hate your job: everyone has bad days, but no matter how bad your day at work was, avoid focusing on this during your date.
- Complaining about Vancouver men or women: no matter how justified you feel you are to complain about your plight as a Vancouver single, remember one thing: your date is a Vancouver man or woman. Enough said.
Dating works best when it’s fun. But there’s a difference between ‘fun’ and ‘casual’.
Fun means: positive, enjoyable, smiling, fun to be around – all great things to have on a date.
Casual means: not serious, engaged or genuine – all bad things to have on a date. Here’s why:
- Quality is as quality does: in dating and in life, the best candidates always have options. If you meet someone great, assume that they are looking for someone serious, or that’s exactly what they’ll do after your first date.
- Meaning matters: the best things in life are not superficial. Focus on meaningful, interesting discussion topics on your date and you’ll find dating more enjoyable, and successful.
- Seriously not serious: taking dating seriously doesn’t mean being serious on your date… being positive, light and fun is always your best bet when you’re meeting someone new.
- Players dilemma: with the advent of free online dating, it can be a lot easier to date multiple people at the same time by not telling your dates the whole story. Here’s the catch, to make a real connection with someone you need to be your true self, which is hard to do when you’re not being truthful.
- Take your time: you’ll generally have better results by focusing MORE on LESS dates. Focus on screening your matches beforehand to ensure some basic compatibility before you find yourself experiencing ‘dating burnout’. If you’re unable or just too busy to screen your matches, hire a personalized matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating to do it for you: http://dev22.604media.com/execvic/register.php
- True chemistry happens below the surface: to really connect with someone you need more than just pure physical attraction. In fact, matchmakers will tell you that chemistry can quickly fade when there’s nothing to connect you besides looks. Focus on getting to know your date beyond their looks alone, and you’ll soon find yourself connecting on all levels.
- Word of mouth: even in those cases where you meet someone and there’s no ‘sparks’, you’re better off to leave them with the impression that you are serious, genuine and a real ‘catch’. Who knows, their best (single) friend might be your perfect match!
- Beware the ‘dating vicious cycle’: casual dating can often lead to many bad dates, where you’re not truly connecting with people. This can make you feel negative about dating and even hurt your own self confidence, which makes the situation worse. Welcome to the ‘dating vicious cycle’.
- Hard wired to connect: people are generally built to value meaningful connections and experiences over simple casual or fleeting encounters. Particularly as you move from your 20’s into your 30’s, 40’s and beyond, you’ll find you derive more pleasure from deeper connections, conversations and feelings.
- Take it easy: now that we’ve convinced you to date seriously, here’s our next piece of advice: be relaxed, be yourself and take it easy on your first date. Telling someone on a first or second date how serious you are about finding someone special, or getting married, or having a family will almost guarantee that it won’t happen with that particular person. There’ll be plenty of time to discuss all these topics, but a first or second date isn’t that time.
Executive Search Dating President Paddi Rice provides some valuable dating advice for relationship-minded Vancouver singles. Successful dating, according to Paddi, is an essential element in finding your special someone.
Watch Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9bEG8mvKEs