On a first date, ‘sure things’ can turn into ‘see you laters’ in the blink of an eye.
What makes first dates different than 2nd or 3rd dates, or even relationships, is that they can turn sour very quickly. When you’ve been seeing someone for a while, you’ve had the chance to get to know them, so you’re less likely to be turned off by one small thing.
Not so on a first date. Because you don’t really know the person yet, you/they tend to make decisions on limited information – usually for the worse. Here’s the list of ‘first date chemistry killers’ you must avoid at all costs:
- Checking out = checked out: checking out (or worse yet, flirting) with your server during a date is a sure fire way to ensure you’ll not make it to date #2. It sends the message that you’re not serious or nice, neither of which will impress quality minded singles (nor the server for that matter).
- Yawning: if a smile is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac, the yawn is it’s first cousin from dating hell. You may be tired, you may even be uninspired by your date, but yawning is not the way to communicate that. Have a pre-date espresso, splash some cold water on your face in the washroom, or do whatever it takes. Just don’t yawn in your dates presence.
- Watching the game: in today’s world, every restaurant, lounge or coffee shop seems to have multiple large screen TV’s that can be viewed from any angle. Serious singles beware: its a trap! Glancing frequently at the TV while you’re on a first date sends the message that you’re not interested, interesting or serious. If you are a major sports fan and your favorite team is playing in game 7 that night – do yourself (and your date) a favor: pick another night for your date.
- Forget me not: the essence of good conversation is getting beyond the superficial and into subjects that connect the both of you at a deeper level. There are 3 steps: 1) remembering key details of the person’s story; 2) asking some follow up questions to dig a little deeper; 3) connecting that story to one of your own, or explaining why you find it funny/interesting/engaging. If you can’t remember key things about someone’s story, you’ll not be able to have an engaging conversation with them, which generally leads to an unsuccessful first date. If you find that dating is becoming a chore, and all your dates seem the same, this might be a big reason why. If you seek to be memorable, remember.
Dating, and particularly successful dating, comes down to one thing: chemistry. Do you feel it, do they have it, what creates it, will I ever find it? Although chemistry sometimes feels like magic, it’s actually far more basic than that – a connection you feel with someone that goes beyond the physical. Here are 5 facts you need to know about dating chemistry:
- Oh yes you can: you can’t change the way you look, but you can change they way you act on a date. By creating more positive dating habits, you’ll make a better impression on your date, and increase the chances of a real connection even if there’s no immediate ‘wow’.
- Two kinds of chemistry: short term and long term chemistry aren’t always the same – the short term kind works well for while (ie. extreme physical attraction), but the long term kind (which can grow over time) is more important in lasting relationships.
- You need it, eventually: successful relationships need chemistry, but it doesn’t have to happen right away, and it doesn’t have to be ‘knock you off your chair’ chemistry (which can fade quickly anyway). If you’ve met someone interesting, give it enough time (ie. more than one date) to see if chemistry will develop .
- What’s inside matters: if you find yourself growing more attracted to someone over time, its unlikely that you are just finding them better looking (although that’s what it feels like); you’re likely connecting at a deeper level which makes the person seem more ‘attractive’ to you.
- Not all connections need to be ‘the one’: of course meeting someone special is the ultimate goal for most singles, but that’s not to say it’s the only desirable outcome from dating. If you do meet someone great, but just don’t feel that special ‘spark’, then consider friendship as a possible option. Although there may only be room for one ‘special someone’ in your life, you can never have enough friends.
Whoever said ‘flattery will get you everywhere’ was right. But there’s a catch – sincere compliments can make your date feel good about themselves, and you. Insincere compliments or simply over doing it, on other hand, can stop chemistry in its tracks. Here are 10 irresistible compliments that will quickly turn a first date into a second date, and beyond:
- Looks: if you like the way your date looks, let them know it. A simple ‘you look lovely’ (to a woman) or ‘you look great’ (to a man) will make them feel good about themselves, and help bring out their best side on your date.
- Accessories: if your date has made an effort to look their best, make a positive comment on something in particular that catches your eye – jewelry or a nice dress (woman), or nice shoes or a nice shirt (man). They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed as they likely wore that item to make a good impression on you.
- Smile: a smile is natures most powerful aphrodisiac – if your date has a great one, be sure to let them know. As a bonus, it’ll encourage them to smile more often, which makes any date more fun. P.S. Don’t forget to smile back!
- Common interests: assuming you know something about the person you’re meeting, there’s likely something about their background and/or profile that you found appealing. If yes, tell them so: ie. ‘I love that fact that you’ve traveled to Asia, it must have been exciting!”
- Sense of humor: if you find them funny, let them know it. Everyone wants to be appreciated and it’ll put them more at ease, and likely lead to more laughs (a very good outcome on a first date).
- Conversational highlights: during your first date conversation, there will be some things that really stand out for you (travel stories, job related insights, interests, activities, etc.). When that happens, let your date know. Being open about things that connect you will naturally lead you towards more stimulating conversation where you’re both engaged.
- Feeling a connection: if you’re feeling a connection during your date, let the person know by saying ‘I’m really enjoying myself’… don’t hesitate to ask for a second date while on the first date – it’s the best time to do so.
- Follow up: when you next speak with your date, be sure to let them know you enjoyed your time together and some topics, funny stories, or characteristics that you particularly enjoyed.
- Let it out: as you get to know someone more, and find yourself thinking about them, let them know it. There’s little benefit to keeping it all inside: if they feel the same way they’ll appreciate it; if they don’t, then letting you know that may save you some heartache down the road.
- The no-compliment compliment: if your date is non-responsive to your compliments, or even irritated by them, then stop complimenting. Always remember, an honest and sincere compliment is good, insincere or over the top compliments are bad.
but with the arrival of bike lanes, rooftop patios, and music festivals, it’s become a truly world class summer dating hot spot! Here are 7 hot dating ideas to spice up your love life this summer: