In a perfect world, all your dates are spectacular. Conversation sparkles, laughter flows and chemistry happens. Unfortunately dating – and life – is not that perfect world.
Bad dates happen to everyone. But it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship chances. In fact, learning from your bad dates is an important part of achieving dating success. Here’s how:
- Self awareness: the first and most important part of moving on from a bad date, is to understand exactly what went wrong. This starts with thinking through where things went off track. Was it something you or they said? Did things get too personal too quickly, or not personal enough? Fixing problems is easy – discovering the problem is the hard part.
- Less me, more them: its hard to pick just one thing that leads to bad dates, but a good place to start is by focusing MORE on your date, and LESS on yourself. Even if you’re not feeling chemistry with the person you’re with, do your best to help them have a good time. Even if you’re not interested in a second date, leaving a good first impression is always a good policy.
- Be open: in some cases, particularly where you felt the date went really well but your date partner didn’t, consider asking your date where things went off track. This is a risky strategy – so use with caution – but it might be worth trying if there’s someone you’re really interested in seeing again. If it’s simply that they don’t feel ‘chemistry’, then consider going down the friendship route.
- Keep moving forward: regardless of the situation, don’t let a bad date (or two, or three) stop you in your tracks. Do your best to learn from past dates, but mainly focus on being yourself, staying positive and being truly interested in the person you’re with. If you’re simply not meeting the right type of people – or don’t have the time to do so – consider joining a personalized matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating. Visit www.ExecutiveSearchDating.com or call us today at 604-462-8743 to book your free consultation.
If you’ve been single & dating for a while with little or no success, maybe its time to mix things up? At some point it makes sense to ask yourself, “Maybe its not my dates that are the problem, maybe its something I’m doing on my dates?”
Self awareness about your own dating habits can be an extremely useful tool in your search for a relationship partner. Start by avoiding these 7 “chemistry-killing” dating habits:
- Don’t ever change: when you’re forever changing plans or, worse yet, cancelling last minute, its sends the signal that you’re not serious. If you’re looking for something casual, that may not be a problem. If you’re looking for a relationship, it is.
- Late. Not great: showing up late for your dates sends the message that your time is more valuable than your dates. If you can’t make time for them now, they’ll probably assume its not worth wasting their time on you in the future.
- No effort: make an effort to look your best on your date – no, a tuxedo or ball gown are not required – but do your best to look your best. Besides increasing the chances for initial chemistry, it also shows you care – a very sexy quality indeed.
- Distracted dating: once you’re on your date, do your best to stay focused on the person you’re with. Checking out the wait staff or other patrons is a sign of disrespect to the person right in front of you. Tip: your chances of getting somewhere with the person you are seated with is 100x greater than getting somewhere with the restaurant or bar staff.
- All about me: talking about yourself is an important part of a first or second date, but don’t spend the entire time doing it. Aim for a 50/50 split between talking and listening on your date.
- Checklist dating: avoid making your date feel like they’re being interviewed by asking them questions like ‘why are you single?’, ‘what are you looking for in a partner?’, etc. Focus on being positive, fun & funny on your first or second date. Once you’ve connected there’ll be plenty of time for more detailed questions.
- Silent treatment: after your date, make an effort to reach out to the person to thank them. Even better, ask them out again (2nd and 3rd dates are a much better time to really get to know someone). Even if you (or they) don’t see a love connection, there’s no reason to burn any bridges. Who knows, they may know someone who’ perfect for you!
Everyone wants to fall in Love. But what to do if you’re tired of waiting for your Prince or Princess Charming to sweep you off your feet?
A common misconception among singles is that Love simply ‘happens’, like a bolt out of the blue. You simply wait for the right person to come along then – ‘bang!’, chemistry happens and you live happily ever after.
The truth is that you can INCREASE your chances of having someone fall in Love with you – here’s how, in 6 easy steps (Source: Harvard University):
- The eyes have it: maintaining eye contact with someone 75% of the time is a sure sign of Love. If you’re glancing around the room and checking out others, you’ll soon watch your romantic evening fizzle.
- I’m listening: being a good listener is the key to any good social interaction, and particularly if you’re with someone you care about. Practice ‘active listening’, ask follow up questions and take a genuine interest in what your partner’s saying. If you don’t find them interesting, it might be time for you (and them) to reconsider things.
- How you make me feel: making your partner feel special and appreciated is an essential element of a strong Love connection. If spending time with you makes your partner feel like a winner, you’ll likely be spending a lot more time with them in the days and years to come.
- A simple smile: the most simple of all gestures – a smile – sends a message of confidence, success, interest and positive charm. Here’s a test: when you’re dreaming of your perfect match, I’ll bet you’re both smiling? Lose the frown and you’ll soon lose your single life too.
- The touch that says so much: in Love, words can only get you so far. Touching your partner often increases intimacy and, more than words, shows them exactly how you feel about them.
- Make an effort: taking an active interest in your partner’s passions builds trust, and validates that person’s feelings about you. In other words: sharing a passion builds passion.
Generally speaking, when you become REALLY good at something, it’s a good thing. In dating, not so much.
Yes, you want your dates to go well and enjoy yourself – that’s important – but if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you don’t want to enjoy dating new people so much that you never end up truly connecting with that one special person.
Here’s 7 signs that your dating skills may be hurting your relationship chances:
- Always more fish in the sea: when you’ve been dating casually for a while (particularly with online dating apps), it’s easy to fall into the assumption that there’s always something better around the corner. This may be true, but it may also be that you’ve already passed the best corner.
- Dating system: when you’ve been dating a lot of people, you tend to fall into the same dating tendencies. These may work fine on a first or second date, but they don’t always lead to a deep bond with someone special.
- Calendar dating: with online dating apps, because there’s no true screening of your matches, you tend to have to go on a lot of dates – in some cases, multiple dates a week (or even per day!). Here’s the problem: you’ll find you’re thinking about your Thursday date whilst on your Monday date; which is a shame if your Monday date is your perfect match.
- See right through you/them: when you’re on a date with a true relationship-minded single, your ‘too cool for school’ dating style doesn’t always have the right impact. There’s a fine line between being super comfortable on your date, and not being taken as serious relationship potential.
- Good things in life take time: first and second dates are an essential part of meeting someone special, but to truly know if someone’s right for you it takes far more time. It’s hard to find such dedicated time, if you’re too busy dating other people.
- The monogamy principle: dating a few people casually is perfectly fine, especially if you (and your dates) are not looking for anything too serious. If you’re looking for a lasting relationship, however, your best best is always to focus on one person – once you’ve established after a few dates that you have a strong connection with them.
- When the musics over: online dating apps can make dating seem like a game. And that’s fine, particularly if you’re new to dating, or not looking for anything too serious. But beware the trap of assuming that there will always be more & better matches in the future – you might just realize that the person you met some weeks or months ago was your best bet.
Sometimes meeting & falling in love with someone seems like pure chance – you can’t make it happen – you can only wait and hope that it happens to you, right? Actually, wrong!
Truth is, once you’ve met someone special, science shows us there are some simple “shortcuts” to bonding deeply with a romantic partner. Here’s 5 of them (Source: E. Barker):
- No more boring date nights: no more dull dinners telling the same stories and hoping you have fun. Seduction involves a degree of surprise, which is generally the first thing that disappears after you’ve been in a relationship, and why there’s no more seducing that goes on. Everything is familiar and you’re no longer surprised by the other person. As Arthur Aron (Researcher on romantic love) says: “After a while, things are sort of settled and there isn’t much excitement, so what can you do? Do things that are exciting that you associate with your partner. Reinvigorate that excitement and the main way to make them associated with the partner is to do them with your partner.”
- Don’t reduce the negative. Increase the positive: we spend a lot of time trying to fix things in our relationships. Turns out we’ve got it backwards. Unless they’re critical, don’t focus on reducing the negatives. Couples thrive when they increase the positive things. Research suggests that how we support people during good times, more than bad times, affects the quality of a relationship. Research shows trying to change people doesn’t work. So ignore the bad stuff & increase the good stuff.
- Get to know them. Really get to know them: couples who communicate are 62% more likely to describe their relationship as happy. In studies of marriages of various lengths, couples with a high degree of intimacy between the husband and wife—that is, couples who shared their innermost thoughts—were 62 percent more likely to describe their marriage as happy. Emotional, personal information exchange promotes powerful feelings of connection. Asking and answering the right questions can create a lifelong bond in just one hour.
- Reminisce about the times you laughed: you don’t need to be together very long to do this. What made you two crack up on those initial dates? Bring it up and have another laugh about it. Couples who reminisced about events involving shared laugher reported higher relationship satisfaction. And here’s a bonus: the more time you spend laughing, the less time you have to spend on arguing.
- Pretend you’re on your first date again: on first dates we make an effort and effort draws people together. In a follow-up study researchers told participants to make an effort with their partners and then their enjoyment of the social interaction improved in line with their predictions. This suggests we can all have more fun with our partners and friends if we make an effort.