Monthly Archives: February 2017

4 Dating Red Flags You Can’t Ignore, No Matter How Good Looking They Are

In dating, looks matter – who are we kidding? But if you’re seeking a long term relationship partner, looks aren’t the most important thing.

Matchmakers will tell you: “Beware the person you find EXTREMELY attractive when you first meet them – you may be blinded to the fact that they’re not actually a great match for you.”

Here’s 4 dating red flags to look out for on your date:

  1.  Just not that into you:  if your date is constantly checking their phone, or seems distracted during your date, it may be a sign that there’s no real spark. By all means, try and get things back on track (ask about something that interests them; or go see an event you’re both interested in), but consider pursuing other dating options if that doesn’t work.
  2. Not relationship-material:  if you’ve got your life together (career, health, finances, etc.), its natural to want to meet someone who’s in the same place. Looking at a pretty face will only go so far; once you discover that you’re not really a good relationship fit, even the strongest chemistry can fade in time.
  3. All sizzle, no steak:  being physically attracted to someone is great, particularly if you’re on a first or second date. But after a while, you should find that you have other things in common; and have good conversations about a variety of topics that interest you both. Ask yourself this question: does being around them make you feel good about yourself?
  4. Different life-goals:  if you value family and want to have one of your own some day – but your partner doesn’t – it may be a sign of problems ahead. Similarly, shared feelings about education, travel, views on the world, etc. can be an important part of a relationship where chemistry GROWS over time. You don’t have to date someone exactly like you, but where there are major differences be sure to talk through them before committing to something long-term just based on physical chemistry.

5 Mistakes It’s Okay To Make In A Relationship

“No-ones perfect and we all make honest mistakes.”

The success of your relationship may rely on these 8 simple words.

Mistakes happen – in life and in relationships – the key is to be honest with your partner and admit when you’re wrong. If you think you’re perfect – and you’re waiting for your “perfect” match to come along – you may be single for a very long time.

Here’s 5 fixable mistakes it’s okay to make in a relationship (Source: L. Howard):

1. Telling White Lies:  “White lies are OK to make,” says April Masini, relationship expert. “In fact, tell your partner you like the sweater, the haircut or the meatloaf – just to keep the peace and pump up [their] self-esteem. Would it kill you to say his mother’s apple pie is amazing when it isn’t? Let the white lies go. They’re not just harmless, they keep the peace.”

Although honesty is super important in a relationship and it’s better to have a partner with whom you can share your honest opinion, some little things just aren’t worth the strife. So don’t feel guilty if you’re not entirely truthful all the time – when it comes to minor things, sometimes white lies are better than the painful truth.

2. Innocent Flirting:  flirting and developing small crushes is part of human nature – and that doesn’t change when you’re in a relationship with someone.

Sure, it might be a better idea to flirt with your partner, but it’s also nothing to be ashamed of if you sometimes bat your eyelashes at your favorite barista. It’s not cheating to interact with other people, even if you happen to find them attractive or have a little crush on them. The only thing that’s important is knowing where to draw the line: banter all you want, but don’t slip the bartender your number at the end of the night.

3. Mild Jealousy:  Every relationship comes with some level of jealousy. While unhealthy amounts of jealousy can lead a partner to be possessive or controlling, there are also more mild instances of jealousy, which are perfectly normal.

“[Mild jealousy] can indicate that the partners are still in love with each other enough to care and feel threatened by the idea of [their] partner being attracted to someone else or that someone else is attracted to [their] partner,” says Yvonne Thomas, licensed psychologist. “This mild jealousy ‘mistake’ can actually breathe some life into a relationship that one or both partners may have felt was complacent or stagnant.”

4. Birth Control Mishaps:  This is one area where no one wants to mess up. Still, that doesn’t mean birth control mistakes don’t happen – and probably more often than we’d like.

“Many of us are so focused on being perfect the first time around, we don’t explore the ‘what ifs,'” says “Girl Code” host Nessa. “What if something happens and things don’t go according to plan? What are my options? This is particularly important when it comes to contraception. Even if you think you are doing everything right, it is important to be informed about your options in the event you need a backup plan.”

Although, in heterosexual relationships, the onus usually falls on women to be ‘in charge’ of birth control, in reality, avoiding accidental pregnancy is the responsibility of both partners. It’s important is that you are able to communicate with your partner about any mishaps that may happen. Missing a few days’ worth of pills, though not ideal, is something that can occasionally happen. It’s not OK to fail to tell your partner this info so the two of you can come up with an alternate birth control plan together.

5. Forgetting A Special Event:  Although many of us would all like to think we have our sh– together constantly, sometimes we’re so busy that something important slips through the cracks, like failing to put your partner’s birthday in your iCal. It might be horrifying to realize a mistake like that and have to make it up to your partner, but at the end of the day, admitting your error is more important than never making the mistake in the first place.

“As I see it, a one time indiscretion doesn’t do the real damage,” says Elinor Robin, PhD, LMFT, LMHC. “The real problems happen when the slights occur as a series over time.”

Try not to be forgetful, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you occasionally slip up – after all, that’s what flowers and chocolates were invented for.

“It’s OK to make almost any mistake, as long as it doesn’t give your partner a sense of being devalued – feeling dismissed, discounted, disrespected, or disenfranchised,” Robin says. “So, it’s not the mistake that matters: it’s the end result [or] consequence of the mistake. The bottom line, no matter what the mistake: you will be able to erase it if you can give your partner a sense of being valued and connected.”

At the end of the day, we all mess up from time to time. What’s important is being willing to admit when we’re wrong or when we hurt our partner, and working to communicate better together.

3 Tough Questions You Need To Ask Yourself After Months Of Unsuccessful Dating

Sometimes, the truth hurts. Realizing that your current dating approach isn’t working, is one of those times.

Trying the same unsuccessful dating methods over and over again and expecting a different result, is a recipe for dating frustration and, ultimately, dating failure.

But here’s the good news: finding your relationship isn’t impossible, or even unlikely – the key is to face up to your dating reality. Start by asking yourself these 3 tough questions.

  1. Are you happy?:  I know, this sounds backwards. You’ll be happy once you’ve met the right person, correct? Wrong.  Success in dating, and in life, starts with being happy with yourself. No-one can make you happy if you aren’t already heading in that direction. Make some new friends, take a cooking class, try yoga… commit to happiness and happiness will find you.
  2. Are you trying too hard?:  Dating is different than your career in the following way – more effort will not necessarily lead to a better outcome. Sometimes dating too much (particularly with online dating apps) can be as bad (or worse) than not dating enough. Focus less on the number of dates you are going on, and more on the quality of people you are spending time with. A fun night with a fantastic (non-romantic) partner, can be far more enjoyable than a meaningless date with someone who doesn’t stimulate you in any way.
  3. Are you truly relationship ready?:  If you answer ‘absolutely’, ask yourself the following – do you often find you’re ‘too busy to date’? Do you find that no-one seems to satisfy your dating criteria? Do you find it hard to focus on your dates? – if you’ve answered yes to any or all of these questions, then its time to re-focus. Make meeting someone special your top priority – if you don’t have time to do that, hire a matchmaker. Success in life only comes when you focus. Period.

7 Things That Can Make You Irresistible This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has arrived, a day of romance for lovers everywhere. But if you’re single, Valentine’s Day is also a reminder that it’s time to freshen up your love life as 2017 begins.

This year, let Cupid’s big day be the starting point of the new & improved you. Here’s 7 ways to make you irresistible this Valentine’s Day!:

  1. Learn to flirt better: Vancouver can be an unfriendly city at times, let’s face it. But follow this simple 3-step flirting formula and you’ll be meeting someone new before you know it:
    1. Visit some new hotspots, together with a few fun friends.
    2. Make and hold eye contact for 2 or 3 seconds with someone you like.
    3. If they reciprocate, say ‘hello’. Yes, it’s really that easy.
  2. Make an effort to look your best: look at every occasion that you’re out as a chance to meet someone new. Ditch the jean jacket & yoga pants and put on something nice. You’ll never get a 2nd chance to make a first impression.
  3. Become a better listener: everybody wants to spend time with someone that makes them feel special. Learn the skill of active listening and your dance card will be full before you know it.
  4. Be energetic: people are naturally drawn to someone with high energy. When you’re out socially: be engaged, be friendly, be fun… smile! Its nature’s aphrodisiac.
  5. Be positive: being positive & optimistic is a choice. Choose happiness & happiness will find you.
  6. Take care of yourself: make 2017 the year that you stick with your ‘get-healthy’ New Year’s resolutions all year long. It’ll make you feel & look better, and more confident too – a very sexy quality indeed.
  7. Be creative (The Wayne Gretzky Rule Of Dating): Gretzky famously said “I don’t go to where the puck is, I go where its going to be.” Translated into dating speak: “Don’t just pursue singles that everyone is looking at, look for the quiet, hidden gems that may have been overlooked by others. Sometimes the best quality singles you’ll meet in person aren’t great at “dating” or self-promotion, and they don’t use social media.