Do you feel physical chemistry is important in a romantic relationship?
If you’re like most people, you’d answer: “Yes”, or even “Absolutely!!”.
And its true, chemistry is important – particularly when you’ve just met someone new. But what if I told you there’s such a thing as TOO MUCH chemistry?
Well it’s true. Here’s 5 reasons why:
- Blinded by the light: professional matchmakers will tell you this – be wary when you meet someone for the first time and you’re EXTREMELY attracted to them. It may blind you to the fact that you’re not actually that compatible.
- Chemistry fading: no matter how strong your initial attraction to someone is, it can fade over time if you don’t have other, important things you share.
- Chemistry growing: on the other hand, when you have even just a little chemistry with someone initially, it can grow over time as you discover other things you like about each other. Its this type of chemistry that can even last a lifetime.
- In it for the long haul: if you’re dating casually or using dating apps, or just not really looking for anything too serious, then its natural to be more focused on initial attraction (why do you think dating apps only show you photos of matches, without a lot of other details?). But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, don’t base your decision purely on physical chemistry – its not the most important predictor of long term relationship success.
- Change your dating default setting: when on a first date, instead of thinking “I’ll only see them again if I’m completely blown away by their looks”, try this instead: “Unless I’m absolutely sure there’s no potential of future chemistry, I’ll plan on seeing them a 2nd or 3rd time to get to know the real person before deciding if they’re right for me.” Your future relationship will thank you for it.
Do you want the perfect formula to make your relationship last forever? Sadly, it doesn’t exist.
But here’s the good news: there ARE signs! Important traits that all successful couples share. If your relationship has them, consider it a strong beacon of happiness ahead.
Here’s 4 signs your relationship is built to last:
- The trust factor: in a relationship, trust is everything. If you feel comfortable and confident that your partner won’t do things to hurt you and is not going to cheat on you, then you may have a winning team.
- You support each other: the world can be a scary place, and one of the best parts about having a partner is having someone on your side when the going gets tough. If you feel like your partner believes in your dreams and is there to listen when you need to talk something out, that’s a big part of a long-lasting relationship.
- You hold each other accountable: partnerships mean being kind, but it also means speaking your truth when they do something that upsets you. Staying quiet doesn’t lead to happiness, so knowing when to call your partner out in a healthy way will only make your love stronger and last longer.
- You show physical love: though it’s important to show your partner love and support through your words, keeping up some form of physical love is important. This doesn’t just have to be sex — making sure to give your partner a kiss when you leave for work or holding their hand while running errands are other, more subtle ways to connect physically. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, keeping up a routine of showing physical affection can make all of the difference.
You’ve heard the saying “there’s no such thing as a bad question”?
Well, when it comes to dating – its wrong.
Two-way conversation is an important part of a successful date – particularly a first or second date – and asking questions is a big part of that.
But not all questions are created equal. In particular, if you’re looking for success in dating, AVOID this question at all cost!:
“WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?”
Here’s what makes this question so toxic on a date:
- It implies there’s something wrong with your date (whether that’s what you intended to mean or not).
- It puts your date on the defensive (a terrible way to start a date).
- Its very hard to answer in a positive way (“Because I’ve been meeting some real creeps?”, etc.)
- It will likely lead to them asking you the same question – which you’ll also find hard to answer in a positive way.
- Its irrelevant – who cares why they’re single? They’re here with you now; stop wasting time!
- It immediately turns a date into an interview – pretty much the worst way to start any date.
If you’re tired of being single & looking to meet your special someone, there’s good news: Spring has arrived – THE best time of the year to meet someone new.
But how you ask?
The key to successful dating is to keep things light & casual – especially on a first or second date. The best dates, in fact, are often simple and inexpensive ones.
Here’s 7 creative Spring date ideas that’ll impress your date, without breaking the bank:
7 Creative Spring Date Ideas In Vancouver
When you’re on a date, your first mistake might be your last.
Having success in dating (and meeting your special someone) isn’t rocket science. In fact, its mostly common sense – things you already know or can easily learn.
So what’s your key to dating success? AVOID making these 9 chemistry-killing dating mistakes:
- Mailing it in: when you show up on a date looking disheveled, it sends your date a clear message – they’re not that important to you. Dress for success on your date, or be prepared for a lengthy singledom.
- Chaos theory: constantly changing your date arrangements (date, time, location, etc.) tells your date that you’ve got more important things on the go. They’ll likely decide they do as well. Make a plan, then stick to it no matter what.
- Too late: arriving late for your date – especially a first or second date – makes your date feel awkward. More importantly, it gives them plenty of time to consider other options. Arrive on time. Better yet, arrive a bit early!
- Low energy: everyone wants to be with someone who exudes positive energy – be that person & you’ll find yourself on a 2nd or 3rd date before you know it. If you’re just not feeling energetic before your date – fake it.
- Glass half empty: its natural to want to share something negative or frustrating that happened to you that day – but on a first date, it can be a chemistry-killer. Tell a funny story, or say how excited you are to see them – but keep it positive & light, especially at the start of your date.
- Checked out: checking out your waiter/waitress, or the bartender, or someone else at the restaurant while you’re on your date sends a clear message that you’re not into the person you’re with. On the bright side, you’ll soon have plenty of time on your own to check out whoever you like. Good luck with that.
- Bad body language: no matter how excited you feel on the inside, make sure your body language is not sending a different message. Be engaged & focused on the person you’re with – on a first date, it matters as much or more than what you say or how you look.
- The last goodbye: how you end a date often matters more than how it started. Be enthusiastic and considerate – and unless there’s zero chance of a future connection, make an arrangement to see them again. 2nd and 3rd dates are a far better time to decide if someone’s right for you or not.
- No follow up & follow through: whatever you’ve told your date you’ll do (call or text them; set up a second date; go to a movie; etc.), then do it. Being true to your word is a very sexy quality indeed. After all, even if you don’t end up being a match – who knows, your date may know someone who’s perfect for you!
You’re newly single & ready to meet someone new – but how?
Step 1: learn the dating myths – then ignore them.
Step 2: learn the dating truths – then follow them.
But how do you separate dating fact from fiction?
Start by ignoring these 5 dating myths & transform your love life in the process:
- I’ve been out of the dating scene for too long: nonsense. In fact, if you’re relatively new to dating many singles would consider that a plus (compared with someone who’s achieved dating burnout). Stop worrying about what ‘they’ will say, and focus on that person right in front of you instead.
- I’m too old to date: says who? Have you heard the one about how dating is only for 20 somethings? Well, its wrong. Believe it or not, the fastest growing demographics for active singles are the 40 & 50 somethings & beyond! It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, but do focus on meeting someone in your own age bracket – that’ll typically get you the best results, especially if you’re looking for something long term.
- Online dating apps are the only option out there: online dating apps are fine if you’re looking for something casual, or if you’re open to meeting all sorts of people in a short period of time. If that’s not you, then try some other methods: hire a matchmaker, attend some single meetup groups, or visit some new places with a few friendly friends. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
- There’s no good single men/women left: the number of single men and women in this or any other city is approximately the same as its ever been. You don’t need thousands of singles – just that one special someone will do. Call our Matchmakers and tell them what you’re looking for and we’ll prove it to you.
- The dating odds are not in my favor: here’s the funny thing about dating odds – single women often think they greatly outnumber the single men & single men feel they outnumber the single women. Your best bet? Forget about the odds – put yourself out there & your odds of meeting someone will improve. Dramatically.
Relationships can be hard work. But how do you know if its time to stick with it, or time for a change?
No relationship is perfect – but good relationships should make you feel secure, respected & happy much (if not most) of the time. Bad relationships make you feel drained, depleted & sometimes even distraught.
Here’s the 10 biggest relationship deal breakers you should be on the lookout for:
- Happiness matters: if someone is constantly making you unhappy, its a bad sign. No-one can expect to be cheery all the time, but being miserable all the time is no way to live either.
- Continuous disrespect: mutual respect is the first requirement of a good partnership. Without it, its hard to move forward – with it, the sky’s the limit.
- Lack of effort: if your partner makes little or no effort to look their best, it can be a bad sign. A constantly disheveled appearance can leave your relationship in the same state over time.
- Where’s the fun?: not everyone is blessed with an incredible sense of humor, or an adventurous spirit – but successful relationships work at it. If your relationship starts to feel like a job (you don’t like), it may be a sign of trouble ahead.
- The Passion Pit: intimacy & sex matters. It really matters. A relationship without a strong friendship at its core is likely to fail. But a friendship without a sex life is a friendship, not a relationship built to last.
- Insufficient support: if you cannot turn to each other, is there a reason to be in the relationship?
- Lack of communication: without communication, there is no relationship. Period.
- Feeling drained: if, instead of feeling happy and productive, you’re always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it’s time to re-evaluate.
- Lack of trust: a relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
- Never-ending drama: good relationships improve your life; they don’t make it messier.
When you’re on a date with someone new, its the words that are left unsaid that matter the most.
First or second dates can be tricky – sometimes you do “everything” right, but the date falls flat. Other times, you make every dating mistake in the book & end up truly connecting with someone.
So what gives? Well, maybe its not so much what you did or said – its what your date decided on their own. Here’s 4 things your date is thinking, and what you can do about it:
- Are you for real?: in today’s dating-app world, everyone wants to know if they’re with someone genuine – particularly if they’re serious about meeting someone special. Show that you are by being true to your word – show up on time; be present on your date; be fun & friendly, and ask for a second date (whether you think the date went well or not). Second (or third) dates are a much better time to decide if someone’s right for you – after all, not everyone’s the best version of themselves on a first date.
- Kindness matters: nothing sends a stronger signal about who you really are than how you treat others – restaurant staff, people around you, the taxi driver – even if you treat your date with the utmost respect, when you’re rude to others it makes them think you’re not showing your true self.
- Relationship potential: if you’re looking for something serious, start by being serious. This starts with having your life together – no, you don’t have to be rich – but act and sound like you have a life plan (a decent job you’re positive about; interesting plans for the near future and beyond, etc.). Most relationship-minded singles aren’t looking to be taken care of, but they’re not too keen on taking care of someone either.
- Glass half full: relationships are full of ups and downs – and nobody expects the future to be bright & clear all the time. But when you’re looking for that special someone, you want someone who’s positive. Someone who’s optimistic about the future & happy with who they are & who makes you smile. There’ll be a time for realism & showing each other who you truly are deep down on the inside – but a first or second date is probably not that time.
Sometimes its over before its even begun.
Making a good impression matters in life, and ESPECIALLY on a date with someone new. Without that initial spark, how will they ever know that you’re perfect for them (on the inside)?
Making the right first impression dramatically increases the chances you’ll make a real connection. Here’s how you can do it, in 3 minutes or less:
Step 1. The Spot: before booking a date, do you best to ensure its a good place to meet someone new – the right balance between a fun and lively place; and a place where you can hear each other (and get a reservation or a place to sit without waiting all night). If you’re in need of some good Vancouver date spots, call our Executive Search Dating Team at 604-714-0221 and we’ll send you a list.
Step 2. The Greeting: its easy to overlook the initial greeting. Our advice: don’t. Be prepared, be positive, be energetic, look your best, and smile. Try arriving a few minutes early and getting a table or nice spot at the bar; order some water for both of you and get ready to impress.
Step 3. K.I.S.S.: no, this doesn’t mean what you think – kissing someone you barely know is generally not advisable. It means: ‘Keep It Simple Stupid’ – don’t try ground breaking new conversational ground at the start of a date. Ask them how their days been; tell them how nice it is to see them; give them a sincere compliment; tell a light hearted story about your day; or tell them what you like about the restaurant and/or the location. Above all else: be positive. Complaining about your day, the traffic, your job or the restaurant staff will lead you to only one outcome: an unsuccessful date & continued singledom.
In dating, bad advice is worse than no advice at all.
Being unprepared for your date is not ideal, but its not the end of the world. Here’s what’s worse: being prepared for your date (with the wrong dating advice).
If you want success in dating, you need to balance preparation with being in the moment.
Sound difficult? It’s not – just start by ignoring these 5 terrible dating tips:
- Numbers game: some will say meeting your perfect someone is a pure numbers game – the more dates you go on, the better your chances are of meeting that special someone. They’re wrong. The only number that counts is 1 – stay focused on that.
- Dream it and they will come: positive visualization is fine – and if that makes you feel more positive its a good thing. But don’t forget the most important step – take action!
- You’ve got to be online: in today’s world its hard to avoid online dating. But just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean its for you. If you’re a busy professional who values privacy and screening, then online dating is probably NOT for you. Try another method: hire a matchmaker, go to some fun events, host a party.
- Try everything: we’re all about trying different dating methods, but that doesn’t mean try all dating methods. There’s a dating method out there that’s right for you – but its not every method. Ask yourself this question: which way of meeting someone new sounds the most fun to me? Step two: do it.
- Be the “Mouse Trap” not the “Lion”: not everyone feels comfortable approaching someone new (especially in Vancouver), we totally get that. But waiting for Mr or Ms Right to come stumbling onto your lap is a terrible strategy. You don’t have to wander the streets approaching people randomly (in fact, please don’t!) – just put a bit more thought into where you go out (ie. places with a more open concept), where you sit (not in a corner), who you go out with (people who are fun & friendly) and how you look (smiling & enjoying yourself). If you’re going with the Mouse Trap Strategy – make it irresistible.