“If you are looking to meet someone outside of your social circle or if you wish to meet someone who you would not normally talk to, I would recommend using ESD. After trying other similar services, it was apparent that ESD did a better job at trying to make a match.”
(Executive Search Dating Victoria Client, December/2019)
Have you been dating for a while but not truly connecting with anyone? Then its time for a different approach.
Maybe you’re trying – but here’s where dating is different from other aspects of your life: it’s possible to try too hard.
How you ask? Here’s 4 “over the top” dating mistakes – and what to do instead:
- Checklist dating: its normal to want to be prepared for your date, but when your date feels like they’re being interviewed it’ll be over before you know it. Put away your checklist and focus on having fun – particularly on a first or second date. There’ll be a time for a more in-depth discussion about your future together, but a first date is not that time.
- Stress test: sometimes you want so much for the date to go well that it looks like you’re going to pass out. Dating is like a reverse test – if it looks like you’ve ‘over-prepared’, it won’t go well. Relax and focus on enjoying yourself – if you do, its highly likely your date will too.
- (over) Dressed for success: you want to look your best on your date – and showing up looking disheveled is not okay – but you can also overdo it. Showing up in a fancy dress or a designer suit might just make your date feel under-dressed. Aim for a clean, smart-casual look. Save the designer duds for a few dates down the line.
- The butler did it: yes, you want to pick a nice meeting place – but aim for someplace a bit less formal and more fun & casual. Showing up at an overly fancy, expensive restaurant will put your date on edge – and make them wonder if they’re dressed appropriately (see point #3 above). In general, you want the true focus to be on you and your date – not your clothes, the restaurant or anything else. Free your mind and the rest will follow.
You’ve heard the saying “there’s no such thing as a bad question”?
Well, when it comes to dating – its wrong.
Two-way conversation is an important part of a successful date – particularly a first or second date – and asking questions is a big part of that.
But not all questions are created equal. In particular, if you’re looking for success in dating, AVOID this question at all cost!:
“WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?”
Here’s what makes this question so toxic on a date:
- It implies there’s something wrong with your date (whether that’s what you intended to mean or not).
- It puts your date on the defensive (a terrible way to start a date).
- Its very hard to answer in a positive way (“Because I’ve been meeting some real creeps?”, etc.)
- It will likely lead to them asking you the same question – which you’ll also find hard to answer in a positive way.
- Its irrelevant – who cares why they’re single? They’re here with you now; stop wasting time!
- It immediately turns a date into an interview – pretty much the worst way to start any date.
Some good dates fly by in an instant. Some bad dates seem to go on forever. Do you ever ask yourself why?
Because: good dates start well and get better. Bad dates start poorly and get worse.
First impressions matter in life, and even more so in dating. But its not just about how you look (although do look your best).
If you want success in your love life, do this one thing on every date:
- HAVE POSITIVE ENERGY
- Having positive energy shows you in your best possible light: they may not be blown away by your looks, but everyone wants to be around someone who exudes positive energy. It may just be your secret weapon to a 2nd date, and beyond.
- Having positive energy makes you feel good, and feeling good is good for you (and especially for your love life): if you don’t believe this, ask yourself this question: how does having low energy make you feel?
- Likes attract likes: everyone wants to be with someone who makes them feel good, right? So who do you think people with positive energy want to be around? (Hint: its not people with low and/or negative energy)
- Take charge of your happiness, and you’ll take charge of your love life too: I get it, sometimes you just don’t feel positive (especially if your love life sucks). But here’s the thing, if you can’t get excited about meeting someone new – stop dating. Take a break and do something that makes you feel good about yourself (and life). Go for a hike, spend time with some fun friends, do a girls/guys road trip. When you’re feeling good about life again, go on that date and show it.
Make Valentine’s Day 2018 the starting point of a brand new you.
If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can be stressful. This year, instead of worrying about it, do something about it – and make this the last Valentine’s Day you’ll have to spend alone.
How you ask? By following these 6 signs:
- You are over your last relationship: you have moved on, moved out, finalized the divorce and gave yourself some time and space to self reflect, and learnt and grew from it. With a clean slate, and positive thoughts you are ready for a new beginning.
- You are happy with who you are: its a New Year and a fresh start, you know your goals, values and dreams for your future, such as, you have hobbies and interests that make life interesting outside of work, you have some vacations planned, and you feel confident and fulfilled in your own life. You want a relationship to share your love rather than to get love.
- You have a work/ life balance: your career is going well, you are financially stable, you are not constantly distracted, and you have space in your schedule should someone special come into your life that you have time to share in life with them.
- You are ready for love: when you want to take the time to get to know someone, you don’t judge them on the first date. You understand that people have many facets to their being and you want to explore getting to know those parts of them, many times love ripens over time like fruit on a tree.
- Put your best foot forward: like they say you only have one chance to make a first impression. If you are going on quality dates once or twice a month, make it special by looking your best.
- Having a positive attitude: around dating and finding love.
You’ve met someone new and you’re on a date, and things are going great. Then, all of a sudden, your date asks for the check and heads for the exit – never to be heard from again.
What happened you ask? Well, maybe your date lost interest because of something you said or did – even though you didn’t realize it at the time.
Sometimes, you say things that mean one thing to you – but send an entirely different message to the person you’re with. Here’s 5 chemistry-killing phrases you should avoid at all cost:
- “I’m so busy”: you may be busy, or you may just want your date to think you’re busy (or important) – but saying this phrase sends your date a clear message that you’re just not that into them – whether that’s what you actually mean or not.
- “Vancouverites are unfriendly”: it’s true, Vancouver has the reputation of being an unfriendly city – which may or may not be true. But what’s certainly true is that by telling your date this, they’ll think you’re referring to them as well. Insulting someone on a date (intentional or otherwise) may be the single greatest chemistry killer of all.
- “Umm…”: sometimes when you’re nervous, or just not being self-aware, you say ‘umm’ a lot. Whatever funny or intelligent things you may be saying, all your date likely hears is the ‘Umms’.
- “What are you looking for?”: asking someone you’ve just met what they’re looking for in a relationship partner kills chemistry on a few different levels – first, it turns your date into an interview (ie. not sexy at all); it also gives your date the impression that you’re not really into them. Assume what they’re looking for is you, then make them sure of it by the end of your date.
- “I’m still single because…”: you may be trying to explain what a great catch you really are, but this phrase sounds defensive – and also gives your date the impression that their being single means there’s something wrong with them too. Be a great date, and leave the distinct (unspoken) impression that you’re still single because you haven’t met them until today!
Sometimes, the solution to your lousy love life is staring right back at you in the mirror.
Dress for success on your date. No, looks aren’t everything, but first impressions matter – especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time.
Why should you care what you wear on a date? Here’s why, and what happens if you don’t:
- Your first impression may be your last: what you wear speaks volumes about you, whether you like it or not. Its far harder to overcome a bad first impression than it is to keep a good first impression going. Looking your best will increase the chances of a 2nd date; not doing so will likely eliminate it.
- How are you feeling?: one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs (for men and women) is meeting someone who’s confident & happy with who they are – and dressing up makes you feel that way. If you’re not used to dressing up – try it one time & see the effect it has on your date. Looking & feeling good is easy to get used to.
- Who cares?: how you dress sends another important message to your date – they matter to you. When you dress your best, you send an unspoken message to your date that you respect them & are serious about getting to know them. Dressing overly casually sends the reverse message. Which do you think is more likely to lead to a 2nd date?
- You are what you prepare for: dressing up for your date prepares you for a successful date. As you decide what to wear, you’ll naturally be thinking about your date – which will get you excited, and maybe even a little bit nervous. Showing up disheveled on a date will have you back home alone in no time at all.
- All in due time: you may prefer casual attire – and that’s fine. There’ll be plenty of time to dress casually with your special someone, but your first date together is not that time. Look at it this way: under-dressing on your dates will lead to LESS 2nd dates and MORE 1st dates (which you’ll eventually have to start dressing up for). Dressing your best will lead to many more dates with that one special person, where you can both dress however you like. Any questions?
Finding your special someone is exciting. But its only the first step. Making your relationship last is the real prize.
Contrary to popular belief, successful relationships don’t just “happen”. Yes, chemistry and shared life goals are important – but truly successful couples work at it.
Here’s 6 things you can do to turn your new found romance into a long term relationship:
- Excitement matters: what’s the real “relationship-killer”? Boredom. Spend less time reducing conflict – and more time experiencing thrills – and your relationship will prosper.
- Use your delusion: being a little deluded helps couples – overly idealistic relationship illusions at the start lead to greater satisfaction, love, and trust, and less conflict and ambivalence in both dating and marital relationships.
- 5 to 1: keep that ratio in mind. You need five good things for every bad thing in order to keep a happy relationship. A 2.9 to 1 ratio means you are headed for a divorce. You need a 5 to 1 ratio to predict a strong and loving marriage— five positive statements for every critical statement you make of your spouse.
- Be Conscientious: conscientiousness is the trait most associated with marital satisfaction. Findings suggest that conscientiousness is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in a sample of long-wed couples.
- Gratitude: gratitude can be a booster shot for a relationship – gratitude had uniquely predictive power in relationship promotion, perhaps acting as a booster shot for the relationship.
- Try: sounds silly but it’s true. Want a better relationship? Try. Sounds ridiculous but improving any relationship is as easy as actively showing interest in the other person or sharing with them.
Question: “What’s the single biggest factor that makes your date a success or failure?”
If you’ve been single & dating for a while it can feel like dating is a crap shoot – a pure numbers game, where the numbers (and time) aren’t on your side.
But the truth is you’re in charge – whether you realize it or not. Here’s 8 moments that can turn your string of bad dates into a lasting connection.
- The day before: you wouldn’t show up to an important business meeting without planning ahead would you? So why show up on a potentially life-changing event (ie. your date) unprepared? Think positively about your date, what you’re going to wear & what you’re going to talk about. Success in love – and in life – comes to those who are prepared.
- Before the date: plan your day so that you’re not rushing to your date or, worse yet, showing up late & stressed. Get there a bit early, get comfortable & relax – you’ll never get a 2nd chance to make a first impression.
- The introduction: start your date with a smile, an energetic ‘hello!’ and a warm greeting or embrace. Make your date feel special & that’s what they’ll likely soon become to you.
- The beginning: avoid starting off with anything too serious – tell them how nice it is to see them & chit chat about their/your day in a positive way. Find a way to make them smile – or better yet – laugh. It’s much easier to keep a good beginning going than it is to turn around a bad start.
- The ordering: you may not think your interactions with the bar or restaurant staff matter to your date, but they do. Treating the staff with kindness & respect will send a warm and alluring message to your date – arguing with the waiter will do the reverse.
- The middle: once you’ve talked and laughed casually for a while, ask some engagement questions about them – questions that require an easy response – be sure you’re listening as much (or more) as you’re talking. Avoid negative topics (work stress, past relationships, politics, etc.) & keep things light and positive.
- The end: no matter how well the date is going, your best bet is to keep the first date relatively light & casual and not overly long – leave them wanting more. Tell them you’ve enjoyed meeting them & would love to see them again – suggest a time and method for your follow up (text, call, email) and bid them a warm and friendly goodbye.
- The follow up: however you told them you’d follow up – do it. Send them a nice text or message the next day telling them how much you enjoyed your date, and suggesting a few ideas for your 2nd date. Being true to your word will increase your chances of a 2nd date and, more importantly, finding your special someone.
Are you ready to find your relationship in 2018? Then its time to stop waiting & start finding.
Dating can be frustrating, particularly if you’re looking for something serious & too busy for online dating apps. The secret to meeting your special someone in 2018 isn’t dating more, its dating better.
Here’s 8 common-sense New Years dating resolutions to help you find your special someone in 2018:
- Be proactive: good things in life don’t necessarily come to those that wait. Putting yourself out there and meeting some new people is an essential element of finding someone special.
- Put your phone down: in today’s digital-obsessed world, its easy to confuse online & social media connections for real connections – don’t. Whenever & however you meet ‘The One’, it’ll happen when you meet them in person.
- Hire a professional: you wouldn’t buy a house without some professional help, so why not try a personalized matchmaking service (like Executive Search Dating) to help you find your special someone. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life! Contact us today to get things started.
- Be positive: everyone wants to be with someone positive and fun. Practice your smile, and avoid negative topics once you have met someone new and interesting.
- Be the person you want to meet: in the world of matchmaking, likes often attract likes. Seek out activities and interests where you will find like-minded people and your chances of meeting someone special will increase.
- Be bold: lose your fear of rejection and try approaching someone new when you are out with friends. You will be surprised by how positive the reaction will be to a friendly smile and ‘hello’ to a stranger – yes, ESPECIALLY in Vancouver!
- Mix it up: doing the same ‘ole things and expecting different results is a recipe for frustration; try going out in a new neighbourhood or a new restaurant/lounge; or go shopping in a new part of town.
- Forget the past and don’t stress about the future: when it comes to meeting someone new, think of every occasion as a fresh opportunity to connect with someone interesting. And when you do strike up a connection, keep it positive and fun… tell a fun holiday story!